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Bochur Tipped to be New FBI Director

A yeshiva bochur has been tipped to be the next director of the FBI. Speaking to the media late Monday, Donald Trump said that the FBI was in need of someone that has a broad knowledge on almost every fact and occurrence in the world and Trump saw no one more equipped to deal with this task than a Yeshiva Bochur.

In a written statement from the White House regarding the vacant FBI post, there was indication that Trump would select a yeshiva bochur with the following written statement.

"The FBI needs a problem solver at its head. Somebody with a broad spectrum of knowledge, including coffee, the law and of course politics. We need someone who can help restore the faith of the American people in the FBI and therefore a tucked in shirt does not rank highly on the list. We need someone who does not know anything about collusion and in fact we don't mind if the FBI Director doesn't even know what collusion means. The FBI Director is bound to travel a fair bit and as an added bonus it would be beneficial if he knew a thing or two about credit cards and mileage points".

Sources close to Trump say that Trump met with a group of potential Bochurim late Thursday night of last week at a Boro Park cholent hot spot.

It is not yet clear if Trump made a particular offer to one of the bochurim in the group at the meeting.

Bochurim behavior expert, Shlomo Smithman did however tell Schmaltz News that even if the President did offer a bochur the FBI directorship it is not a certainty that any bochur would expect.

Smithman said "Bochur life is blissful, a bochur lacks for nothing and discusses politics as theoretical possibilities".

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